The Silent Window/It's Going To Be Alright

"Some people feel the rain, others just get wet."
Don Freeman

In the middle of midnight, just before it hits morn

Rain crashes loudly on the roof that silences my soul

In the chaos of the season my soul is reborn

It finds revel and it finds itself whole


Loudly it crashes, my heart beats just as loud

For she who changed me and made me new

No longer bound by the foggy shroud

Of isolation that was understood by so few


The sky weeps, I do not know why

I weep daily, the sky does not know

I am at peace as they fall, the tears of the sky

To you, I do not want to let go



       So today I spent the whole day on my PlayStation 4 playing Grand Theft Auto. I finished it, but with some breaks in between. I feel weary after finishing it for the second time. Simultaneously, I feel both satisfied and disappointed in myself really. This type of video game routine is what caused me to implode in my studies. Thus I made ​​a mental note to rescind such routines and fix my educational life. Occasionally, I speak to people on Twitter and Facebook, just to get on the scene. But in one week, I'd be shutting down those accounts and spend my time only maintaining this blog and resume my studies in Mathematics and Physics. But for the most part, I feel true joy when I talk to her. She is just so magical and wonderful, the pain I carry in me dissipates and is replaced by passion only for her. I love her, but I can not find the right words to say, because the last time I did it, I got shot down. I'm traumatized, but she makes me want to try again. I love the way she is so simple and at the same time so exquisite; I love the way she is so real but yet so magical at the same time. I guess she has that one thing I'm looking for but can not explain. As the French have to say it, she has this je ne sais quois about her that makes me love her more than I would love myself.

     I have late night thoughts. Just some pondering that really sets my mood down. I mean I look at every friend I have and helped them to be happy by assuring them that it's going to be alright. Then I wondered, where were the same people when I needed them? When I needed someone the most, why did I only find myself? Is the world so busy that they could not even take care of themselves, that they need people like me to tell them to slow down and take it easy? Well, I just feel sad that probably on my deathbed, the only one around to watch me die the nurse my estranged children paid to watch over me. Maybe people come and go, we gain new friends, we lose old ones. But I want to be sure that I will be there for her every step of the way. We're addicted to something that numbs the pain, something that makes you forget you're in pain, that this world is cruel antagonist to the story. And for me, it's her. She makes me forget the pain I'm in. She makes me think of the things worth living for, and that's her. I love her, I just want her to know that.

"Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are 'it might have been."'

-Kurt Vonnegut