Two Years On

"But you chose to come. Couldn't let be - not in you to let go." - Ulysses

         It's been two long years since I posted here. It's nice to pretend sometimes that people read your work and enjoy it, but reality hit me hard in the last two years. Since my last post, Robelle broke up with me four months later, on my birthday no less. Then after various flings that never went into fruition, I've decided to buckle down and just wait. What am I waiting for? Nothing in particular. Just trying to pass the time and make certain people smile along the way. Everyone is too much work, but I wouldn't say no if given an opportunity. 

           I maintain a steadfast and fervid belief that things will go great in the future and at the moment I just have to keep at it to get anywhere in life. In the shadow of every valley, there is a road that leads to where the sun shines the brightest. Sure sometimes people think giving up seems to be the smart option, but in reality, giving up is the easy option. So many people never get to see how things work out because they give up when something seems too big for them. 

            When Robelle broke up with me I was sure it was the end of it all. The apex of my horrible experiences. However, I entered another fling, and then another, and then another, and I was so hopeful that one of those flings would work out, but sadly, none ever did. I'd really love to be more in depth and erudite about these experiences but I guess the best summation of my attitude towards my situation is that I'm a stoic. 

              Stoicism believes in focusing inwards towards your virtues and what good you see within instead of what you envy within others. It may sound selfish but it's a great deal better than pining for something someone else has. As a stoic I find it hard to be envious of others because I find a great deal of virtue within myself, which always leads to self-examination and as such, an exposition of one's flaws and thus begins an effort to correct it. I've always resolved to be the best individual for others and that my personal beliefs should not be my personality. Of course there are certain aspects of our experiences that we regret from happening, but we shouldn't expel it from our life and forget it. We should own it and use it as a reflective piece to compare how much we have grown and how much we have changed. Whatever you did that you regretted was a product of your decision as an individual. Of everything that exists, it is our mistakes that make us the most human and we should never ever take away our humanity from ourselves.

       

              The pursuit of one's happiness is a great struggle ironically imbued with sadness. But it is within this sadness and pain that we appreciate the joy and comfort that we experience. It is in the darkest moments of privation that we are grateful for bounty.